Saving Kenny
by Kitty Harasser
Summary: In this story, I'm a cat. Me and my friends save Kenny from fangirls. Abolutly halarious. I'm really bad at writing summaries.


This is my second fic. I have to submit my first one though. In this story, I am a cat called the kitty harasser. Me and my friends are the Cat's Eye. Funny Hope you like it.

* * *

**SAVING KENNY**

The Kitty Harasser sat in her secret lair, staring out her window. No, she wasn't doing that gay 'What is my purpose?' thing, she was just bored out of her freaking mind! She (as in me, i harass kitties!) then started playing with some yarn. Yes, it's that entertaining.  
Fluffy the Queer Dog Slayer (my best friend Eileen) came running in with a manilla folder. "Kitty, we got a dumpload here. Last night at 2:09 a.m., there was a kidnapping."

"I'm listening" Kitty, alright, I said. Fluffy hadn't really caught my attention. I mean there's alway a fudging kidnapping here in Cheyenne, Wyoming (god, i like that place! sue me!) What was it this time, a cocker spaniel is holding a midget in a bikini hostage in cottage cheese factory!Fluffy was licking herself. I cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh uh, a Colorado boy was taken from his home in South Park by what seems to be a mob of manic... fangirls?"

"Ugh, fangirl, the most dangerous substance known to man. Tell me, what is this boy's name?"

"Kenny, Kenny McCormick" Fluffy started drooling again. (God, why does she always do that! I mean people are watching!)

" What the-?" I was in shock. I didn't tell anyone but I had a huge crush on him as a child but now, as a fully grown cat, he's just my favorite South Park character. " Theeeeee Kenny McCormick? H-how the hell did this happen? Did I miss something?"

"This is a fanfiction world, Carmen, you're a freakin' cat. How could you not expect Kenny to be real?" Fluffy said like it was the most ovious thing in the world.

"..." was all i could manage to come up with.

"They are holding him in an abandoned mall near Denver, its packed full of crazed evil fan girls! I shall pray for you, Kitty." Fluffy continued, then took out a skirt "So... which skirt do you think that i should wear to your funeral?"

"Go get your inflatable tom cat boyfriend and get the eff out of my sight." I yelled. Fluffy the Queer Dog Slayer ran off to get her giant cat balloon, giggling like a nut. I got a pistol, a revolver and plenty of amo. Then the galent Kitty Harasser ran out of the Cat Lair and into the Cat BMW.

* * *

Useless Crap Mall... 19:47

"Well, now we have him, what should we do to him?"

"I think we should molest him and then sell his parka on e-bay, and after that, keep him as our slave !"

"What an awesome idea, Jessica!" The fangirls were talking amongst themselves, they disgust me! A boy was strapped to a chair with the most terrified of all faces. This boy knew his fate. ( hey, anything between these is muffled kenny languge)

" help! you freaking crazy, obsesive, teenybopper fan girls! " he screamed. They all turned to him with sick twisted smiles on their faces, their hands reaching out for him as his screams were heard for miles.

* * *

The Cat BMW... 19:51

"He's close I can smell him" I said. To my right was Patches, the Purrrrrfect Kat. But she was far from purrrrrfect.(god, i hate that pun) she was a black cat wearing a trench coat with a suit underneath and black shades. she is representing my other BFF, Tak (no relation to the Tak from IZ) she stood out next to my gray fur and Fluffy's orange and white fur.

"Sorry, I was hoping my new Calvin Klein 'Rank Fish Guts' perfume wouldn't be that strong" Fluffy said with one of those weird anime sweat drops on her head (not the biggest anime fan in the world). We arive at the mall, little did we know we were being watched from the survalance room.

"Like, they're here for our Kenny!" one of them screamed."What will we do Katie?"

"Well, Jenny, the only thing we can do is bring out some of our girls to scare them away!" Katie said. She got a walkie talkie out of seemingly nowhere. "Jessica, we need three girls to come out there and fend off those crazy kitty thingies!"

"Roger that, girlfriend!" Jessica said in one of those annoying preppy voices.

"Alright girls, we are gonna split up and look for their nest." I said and we agreed to meet back by the 'yarn and other things that might attrack a cat & things' store. We each got one walkie-talkie incase we ran into the nest or a whord of angry rabid fangirls. A few minutes later, I was on my own. Creepy horror movie music started playing in the background. Yes, the Kitty Harasser only had one weakness, well three, and unluckily they were abandoned malls, fangirls, and perverted 8-year-olds that wear orange parkas and die everyday. Ok, maybe not the last one.

As I got deeper and deeper into the heart of the mall, I heard something move. I nearly broke my neck turning around so fast.

"I know you're here you sick twisted piece of-" I was cut off by some insane giggling. "Alright, show yourselves!" it grew louder "Ay, I said show yourselves goddamit!" I said kind of like Cartman.

"You're not taking my Kenny away! You should just chill out and right a crappy fanfic about Kenny and a stupid fancharacter you made up while you were high falling in love like we all have!" a preppy voice said.

"And live an empty life after realizing I'm in love with an image on TV? Never!" I said then lunged at the shadow, the girl ran away screaming to the 'U.S. Arts & Craps' store. I smiled "This won't take long." Then walked after her. Inside the store, were carving knives, sharp sticks, a sander, a giant buzz saw, and a strip heater. Oh, fangirl, come out, come out where ever you are" I said in a sing-song voice. Nothing. "I like Kenny more than you do!"

"Like, no you don't, and my name's Amber!" the girl said from behind some cans of paint. 3 seconds later she realized she had blown her cover. "OMG, oops!" In a matter of seconds I had her by her pretty blond curls. I peeled off her Kenny tattoes with the knives, impaled her with the sticks (still making sure she was alive), sticking her head in the sander, cutting off and burning her fingers, and I dumped her in the giant press for a minute or so. Out came a hideous troll looking thing. I then took out a men in black mind erasing thingy. "You are a fanfiction hating goth who is escaping from jail after killing her mother with a rabid weasil, you love cats but not eight-year-old boys in orange parkas." then I left.

I got a call on my walkie talkie. It was Patches. "Kitty, I found the nest, i ran into a fangirl but took care of her. Alas poor Michelle, I knew thee ...not that much." Patches was in the clothing department, Michelle had been hung with a woman's night gown. "Tell Fluffy to meet us at the food court and not to make a sound" she said.

"Kay" I said and then called the only queer dog slayer in town. "Fluffy, how's it going for you? Patches found their nest! Meet us at the food court. And be quite!"

"Fine, thanx! I met Natalee, and we didn't get along well, so..." Natalee, the fangirl, had been impaled by several bobbypins, shards of glass from a makeup mirror, and hoop earnings over at Claire's. How fluffy got them in there is beyond my understanding. "Bye, Kitty, luvs ya!" I ran, it was dark and I didn't know where I was going so I wandered aimlessly for a few minutes before finding the place. It was horrible! Where there was once food and drink for the innocent, there were fangirls asleep on the tables, some busy applying makeup and others on posting nasty fanfics! The horror! But we had come prepared. We gassed them. The fangirls and Kenny fell asleep. Patches then got him and we left the mall.

"Patches are we just gonna leave them there! They're only gonna come back for more!" I said. 3 seconds later the mall exploded. "oh, um, never mind!"

The Cat's Lair ... Later than you think

Kenny had just come to. " Hey were the fk am I? Who are you people? Why are you cats! Where the hell are the fangirls!" he asked.

"Its O.K, Kenneth. you are in our lair. we are the Cat's Eye law enforcement team. We were born this way and we saved you from the fangirls" Patches said calmly.

"Hey, Kenny if you run into The Mole, tell him used to luv him!" Fluffy said. "As a kitten, The Kitty Harasser liked you!" Fluffy blurted out. She then wished she hadn't said anything because I narrowed my eyes and grew silent. My friends new what that ment.

"Fluffy, be a dear and wait for me outside." I said. She whimpered and did as told. Then I went back to life again."So, Kenny, we will be taking you safely home, shortly."

"Are you kidding? Those fangirls were treating me like a king! They would do anything I told them to. So what if they took my parka and sold it on e-bay? I hate that stupid thing anyway! Take me back you ugly ass moster! TAKE ME BACK!" he yelled.

I didn't even think before taking a pistole and firing to warning shots... into his head. (yes, got that from the Chicago movie) Patches just cocked a brow and then nonchalantly walked into the 'Little Kitty's Room' I shrugged then went outside to deal with Fluffy the Queer Dog Slayer.

end of fic

* * *

I hope you liked it. Review or ill kill you. 


End file.
